Dear Corner: I Love My Boyfriend, I Just Hate Having Sex…
Dear Corner,
I have a problem that I need advice on and it is about being intimate with my boyfriend.
Despite my love for my boyfriend, I have realized that I don’t enjoy sex. I am a 27-year-old woman who has been with her partner, who is also 27, for nearly two years. He is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man: funny, compassionate, and accepting. However, I suffer from self-hatred and social anxiety stemming from my past relationships. My boyfriend is always there for me, and in return, I try to show my love through gifts and compassion.
Although we have our ups and downs, our relationship is strong. However, I recently discovered that I am on the asexual spectrum. I have never been interested in sex, and the mere thought of it repulses me. I do not watch porn and have a nearly non-existent sex drive. Although I can orgasm, it requires the right headspace. This has been a problem in my past relationships as well.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, has a higher sex drive than I do, and it hurts me to see him sad when I say no. He understands my asexuality, but I know it’s difficult for him. We have sex occasionally, but I know it’s not enough for him. During sex, my thoughts are not in the moment, and I’m always relieved when it’s over. He is always gentle with me and respects my boundaries.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve discussed this issue several times, but I’m afraid it will eventually drive him away. I love him so much and don’t want him to suffer, but I’m scared that my lack of interest in sex will be a deal-breaker for him in the long run.
Signed: Not My Love Language
_________________<<<_________<<<<
Dear Not My Love Language,
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your concerns about your intimate relationship with your boyfriend. It’s brave of you to open up about your struggles and your asexuality. It’s important to remember that every person has their own unique experience with intimacy, and it’s okay to feel the way you do.
Firstly, it’s great that you have a supportive partner who respects your boundaries and understands your asexuality. However, it’s understandable that you worry that your lack of interest in sex may eventually strain your relationship.
It’s important to have honest and open communication with your partner about your feelings and your needs. You can let him know that you appreciate his patience and understanding and that you want to find ways to make sure he feels loved and fulfilled in your relationship.
There are many ways to be intimate with someone that do not involve sex. You can explore other physical touch or romantic activities that both you and your partner enjoy, such as cuddling, holding hands, kissing, or even trying out new hobbies together. It’s important to focus on what makes you both feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship, even if it looks different from what society often portrays as “normal.”
Additionally, you may find it helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in asexuality or sexual issues. They can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, work through any past traumas, and help you develop healthy communication skills to navigate your intimate relationship.
Remember that your asexuality is a valid and normal aspect of who you are. You deserve to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship that respects your needs and boundaries. Keep communicating with your partner and seeking the support you need, and I wish you all the best.
What are YOUR Thoughts Corner Family?
